Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
They took my balls.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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