this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
