I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Quick, to the slutcave!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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