Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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