So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
