at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
