The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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