You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
