Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
