i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
