I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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