oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize