Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
