I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
