Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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