areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
