every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hippo gnu deer
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize