Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
