I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize