I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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