All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
