So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
