You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Randomize
