I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
