Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
