i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
