If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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