Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
