Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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