Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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