Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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