i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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