just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
