We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
