I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
