Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you will always have a special place in my vag
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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