Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
