look no pants
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
