i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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