I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
