I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
