You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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