oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
