I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
