I cut my penus on the lid.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
