Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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