oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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