How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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