i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
