you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
