i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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