So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
