sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
