someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
being pregnant is like rehab
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
