It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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