Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
