idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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