i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
a search helicopter?!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
MIDGETS
????
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
