i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
