it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
