Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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