Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
