You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize