it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
