Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
