also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
