Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
