Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
