It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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