Have you finally orgasmed yet?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
