dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
