I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
