meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
